A RAY OF HOPE FOR WOMEN IN NEED

September 12 was indeed a sunny day this year and there is a home on Metcalf Street in New Bern where sunshine is the forecast nearly every day. Sunny Shuptrine is the president of S.T.A.F.F. House Maternity Home Board of Directors and a constant source of humor, encouragement and inner as well as outer strength as she oversees the volunteers from several local churches and the community at large who show up to help renovate the group home. Lest I give a wrong impression with the term oversees, let me clarify. Sunny is never without a hammer, saw, electric sander, or rag in her hands as she performs the many small to large tasks involved in maintaining a schedule of both tearing out the old and building the new with an all volunteer force. She tirelessly works on site, responds to visitors wanting to see progress, visits businesses and churches to speak on behalf of the project and coordinates volunteers – though she will tell you that a higher power always comes through with the needed people-power and typically with just the right skill set for the day’s planned activities.

S.T.A.F.F. stands for Shepherds That Attend Father’s Flock, and is a nonprofit Christian organization that depends upon donations of funds, time, talent and building supplies to make the vision a reality. The Metcalf property was donated by Tabernacle Baptist Church and to date has had volunteers from the Marines, the Civitans and nine different churches. Four youth groups and four different denominations support the efforts of S.T.A.F.F. Thus far, the community has donated thousands of dollars worth of time/labor/materials and skills to fund the renovations, including new wiring, plumbing, heating and air conditioning as well as deep discounts on insulation, drywall and materials throughout. When done, the facility will replace a temporary residence donated in River Bend and will house five women and house parents.

Sunny is quick to point out that you don’t have to be a member of any church to volunteer your time and talent to the cause. All volunteers are welcome. This writer thinks the project is an ideal way for a small group of youth from local churches to get involved in what could be a life-changing endeavor. Or, garden clubs could volunteer to help with the landscaping and maintenance of the yard. There is a garden club member already in place to manage the replanting, landscaping and maintenance. Area service groups could provide a small group of volunteers on a Saturday. Local contractors, Courtney Custom Homes (New Bern) and John Kent (Greenville) oversee the project and thus far, several local businesses have provided workers for various phases of work. The most recent local business donated kitchen cabinets made in their facility, a savings of many person-hours of carpentry. Carpenters from Habitat’s Cabinet Shop will build the doors for the cabinets. Earlier this year a group of Marines began the demolition of the old porch and assisted with removal of plaster down to the studs! Any given day one might find a volunteer or two on hand!

To find out more visit the S.T.A.F.F. Web site at www.staffhouse.org or email info@staffhouse.org.

Coincidence or Godincidence? You Be the Judge

When my youngest was thirteen, she developed a 'tumor' in her eyelid. It was angrily infected, painful and caused her to have blurred vision among other symptoms. The Ophthalmologist seemed quite concerned that it might be malignant and cautioned me to schedule surgery for the following week as soon as the antibiotics he prescribed had begun their work. He said it could even affect her sight if not removed immediately. I recall that was on a Thursday.

On Friday night we went to a group service "Prayer and Praise" at our church. I asked for prayers (not specific to anything) and my daughter was immediately surrounded by concerned friends who placed their hands on her in some cases, and in other cases, simply bowed their heads and formed a circle around the two of us. Some friends were so concerned they traveled back to our house with us for more 'laying on of hands' and prayer. Not convinced that she would be healed, I at least felt that we had the strength of prayer and friendship to keep us company throughout the ordeal.

When Monday came we made a return visit to the office in anticipation of surgery. We were told that the growth had diminished in size and, though it was necessary to remove it surgically, we found out that it was not malignant. My young daughter was so moved by our experience that she shared her story in front of a crowd at the next Prayer and Praise. Our doctor, of Jewish faith, was amazed that the outcome was different than he expected, and he even said that the absence of acute infection a mere four days after beginning treatment was 'a miracle.' We called it a Godincidence. My daughter made sure to tell him we had 'prayed' her well. As for me, I know there are no coincidences in my life. How about you?

On Aging and Dying

We had a good friend die last week. Yes, he was well into his 80's and by all accounts from him in the early stages of this thing called dying, he was ready. I, on the other hand, was not ready to let go of him. I will miss his quick-witted humor and his intelligent observations about the state of our country, the changes during his lifetime and life in general. We met in our local downtown park on a sunny afternoon our first week in town. We had found the park a nice place to rest after the long, hot days of unpacking and renovating our home and enjoyed feeding the large flock of ducks who loved to show off for townsfolk and visitors alike. He ambled over, declared his political persuasion as a strong advocate of our presidential choice and his desire that he win the Presidency, and thus I and my mate began a year's friendship and camaraderie with him and his lovely wife of over 30 years.

Many times we had our friends over for dinner followed by a rousing card or board game. He was highly competitive yet was happy to try new games even if he lost. I first noticed his weakening through our game playing as he lost that sharper edge he'd first had and tired more easily than before. A fall in early May brought him to the end stages of his life on earth and the beginning stages of his death and….well what else was there for him, Jewish by birth and belief? I went to see him during his first hospital stay and he’d lost mobility, some of his speech and his balance as a result of a small stroke. The spirit was still strong, however, and on he went to rehab and eventually home. Before we could get to his home to visit him he was back in the hospital again, this time with blood clots to the lungs and a slew of other complications. All in all, over a two week period he slowly shut down and decided to give up the fight and let go of life. My mate and I talked about how we’d react if we were of the same religious persuasion. How frustrating it must be to think that all there is in the end is a long wait until the Messiah comes and seals one’s fate by either resurrecting or damning one for all time? We talked about these fundamental differences in our beliefs and how even in the sure belief we have that we will immediately be in the presence of God, Our Father, we relate to that feeling of not being ready to give up, to give in and to go on to the next life.

I suppose that is what the human spirit is all about. We possess a strong will to live and to stay alive and, no matter our goal at the end of life, it takes awhile for us to give up the spirit. We know we will be free of any human frailty, pain, frustrations, limitations yet we still fight to stay here on earth. I sometimes think that we need to stay around to try to make amends with others whom we have hurt. Or, perhaps we just don’t feel we’ve done enough or seen enough or had enough time with our loved ones. Whatever the reason, there is a strong and compelling need to stay alive as it were to the last breath. If you have been with a dying person in the end, you perhaps have witnessed the spirit leaving the loved one’s body. The presence of other loved ones who come to greet this new soul into eternity can be felt by those more sensitive. And, when the dying sense that presence there is a peace that settles in and an eventual resignation.

When someone you know dies, you begin to think of your own immortality, more so I believe as you age. How blessed are we who grow old and see many years of health and happiness. We begin to realize how fleeting life can be when we lose someone young and vibrant, with many years of living ahead, someone cut off too soon, we ponder. But are they really? If we believe our God is a just God, then who is to say that this soul was not ready to move on to eternal life?

Seeing a friend die makes one mindful of forgotten friendships, forsaken relationships, unsaid apologies, unfinished goodbyes. I will finish those unfinished pieces of the puzzle of my life. I will cherish the moment in its finite existence for it is but a fleeting reality, it is really all we have. Yesterday is done and tomorrow as we know it may never come.

It Really Has Been Awhile

Astonished was the first reaction when I logged in and realized how long it had been since I blogged. I suppose I could attribute it to having too much to do, however, the truth is more that I was involved in having too much to say for over two years during an all-consuming merger that took place in my workplace of the previous ten years. As communications was my job, that I did.

Looking back on it I see some basic truths in the process that I felt might help you if or when you go through a rather uncertain and difficult time in your career. For me, it was relatively simple to decide my next career step...step out. I recognized early on that I'd been given a golden opportunity to reshape my direction and travel on a new road, move to a new location, embark on a new journey. I decided with my friend and housemate that we should look into a pre-retirement community. We craved warm weather, a more relaxed lifestyle, less hustle and bustle. We also wanted to escape from a one-bedroom high rise apartment to a house we could call our home. Now I won't say it was an easy process to step out of the workforce and embark on a new adventure but I will say it has been the happiest few years I've spent outside those spent raising my children!

Perhaps the worst reaction to being involved in a merger as a worker not involved in upper management is one of frustration that you have no part in the decision of when your job ends. Some who had been on staff less years made an independent decision to forego the offered severance package and immediately segue into a new job. Our departures were 'staged' which left some feeling uncertain and nervous about their futures. The next negative was the guilt felt when you learned that your friends were not staying and you were. Another reaction was initial anger at the representatives of the organization on the other side of the merger. I quickly realized that to be angry with these folks was placing ill-deserved 'blame.' These men and women were suffering through their own set of problems borne of the decision to merge organizations. They were already facing overtaxed schedules and now needed to position themselves to take on additional work and, in some cases, face the question of whether their processes could be improved upon by absorbing the merged company's either entirely or partially. Our organization was incredibly fortunate to have had a management team and board who looked after our interests and kept us informed of the stages leading up to the merger vote. And, they provided us with a variety of tools to help us determine our next steps once we were no longer needed. Our leadership made it easy for us to stay loyal to them and continue to do our best throughout in some cases 2-3 years of traveling toward the eventual successful merger of the organizations.

Looking back on the entire process, I am amazed at how simply accepting the inevitable and praying for a good outcome influenced my departure. Turns out I was one of three individuals who were retained post-merger and I accepted a part-time independent contractor status which allowed me to move to our new community and become involved in helping individuals who were not as fortunate. The new community is largely a retirement area and jobs are scarce to non-existent.

My Favorite Pink Coat ...for Awhile

I once had a favorite pink coat. Maybe its beauty was just an illusion, a trick of the mind. I find that often things are recalled as being more special than they really were. I have only told a few people this story and only to illustrate how I believe God moves us in ways we don't understand to reach out to others in need, no matter how small the gesture. There was something quite magical about that watershed moment in my life and I guard the covetously. It is the moment that God showed me the meaning of true love. In case you have the let the pressing worries of daily life erase the memory of your most precious moments, allow me to retell mine for you.

We, my beautiful little daughter and I, were driving I believe to visit relatives (the reason for the trip escapes my recollection so I will simply say we were visiting) in a snowstorm along the road from Denver to Colorado Springs. I noticed a car to the side of the road and a distraught appearing young man was leaning into the door speaking with his companion. I did the only thing I could do and stopped to help by supplying my battery cables and my car so that he could hook his car up to start it. His wife (I assume) stepped out of the car and in her lovely country accent said with tears in her eyes, thank you so much. We needed to get home and we are almost out of money and we could not have afforded to fix this old car even one more time. We would have had to leave it and walk. I felt an immediate compulsion, without asking her whether or not she had a coat, to take off my new pink coat and hand it to her. She burst into a fresh round of tears and hugged me, saying that she didn't have a coat and that pink was her favorite color and that I must be her Angel sent from God because she had reached the bottom of her life so far and there I was out of the midst of a snowstorm. I know you heard me catch my breath as I told you the story, and I know you may think that I cry over silly things at times, but it is moments like that one that make me realize how infinite is God's love for us and how merciful He is in giving us opportunities to love. He sent me to that spot at that time to make a difference in that young lady's life that hopefully lasted longer than the coat ever did. And, he taught me what love truly is in that instant when he moved me to react to her in such a way. She said she had no money to pay me for what was obviously a brand new and expensive coat. I let her know that with this gesture I had paid a debt I owed to a friend from a few years before who had given me her little second-hand car when I had no transportation and was depending on public transportation. She didn't ask me to pay her in money, rather she asked me to look for opportunities to love. I was young then, caught up in the ego-centric kind of love, looking for what I wanted or needed, and even worrying unnecessarily about my daughter, my husband, myself.

Looking back it all seems clearer now. I didn't need to worry about anything but my reactions to the present moment because all else was beyond my control.

I have tried through the years to remember that little lesson in love. It has served me well when I've been brought in contact with people who are not so loving and who would be hard to love in reality if the ego gets in the way. It is really quite simple to love them, as you too have discovered, my dear friend. You see God in them and you give of yourself to them without any expectation of return, no limits so to speak. The secret to happiness is in loving without any expectation that our love will be returned. In that way we love deeply as God wants us to love one another. We see Him in each other, as we see Him in others.

Now, you might ask, what makes my significant other then different from other people I love. There is a large difference when you allow yourself to be totally honest with one another, without fear of rejection; when you recognize that something you have said might have been hurtful and you apologize without being asked, without reservation; when you can truthfully say that just being in the presence of someone is somehow comforting; when you can sit in silence beside someone and yet feel his or her presence; when you take joy in the other person's joy; when you seek ways to build the other person's self-esteem, confidence, sense of security. Borrowing from Caroline Myss, true love is never going to bed with a grudge beside you or inside you. This means sometimes having to forgive in little doses. It seems to come naturally once you practice a bit.

You will have found the key to true love once you remove yourself from the equation, once you seek to do what the other person needs without thinking of self. You will recognize when your ego got in the way as in your younger days.

And now you have a mission. Reflect on ways you have loved well and take your discovery to those around you. In the meantime, I wish for you happiness, I wish for you abundant love. I wish for you a wonderful life journey.

Men's Rules and Women's Reactions to Them

For purposes of discussion (because that, after all, is what we ladies do) I have annotated this rules list providing our collective female perspective. I have not entered into this endeavor lightly. I first consulted my spiritual sisters, my ya ya sisters, my traveling-pants sisters, my Nazi feminist sisters (though they call themselves equals not sisters), my blog buddies, my singing sisters, my female priest, my Shaman, my Ayurvedic practitioner (he, after all, is the one who informed me that the moon was in the right position for me to respond), oh and let's not forget a few colleagues at work, at the gym, at the pool, etc. We women know how to network! And, by the way, that's something else you fellas stole from us. In the interest of fairness, and because we know you will not remember what was initially said since it occurred more than 24 hours ago, we've repeated your entire message (without the identifying monikers) below.
Anyway, as you would say so lovingly, "let's just get on with it..."

**The italicized information was containined in an original e-mail sent to this writer by a friend. The remaining posting is this author's original work.**
This is only being sent to the MEN on my list. We need this kinda support, guys. (For those who've already seen this, it bears repeating. Share this at your male support groups, fellow bar mates, etc.

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
Well, you could have fooled us. You're always saying, "un huh, un huh, I know that already."

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
First and perhaps most important, your use of 'you' is grammatically incorrect. Perhaps a better choice would have been 'your'-- that said, we submit that the ONLY way to leave the toilet seat is for the lid and the ring to be firmly closed immediately after use. Otherwise one is exposed to possibly icky stuff in an otherwise pristine, well-decorated, color-coordinated bathroom. How else does one show off their plush, velour toilet seat cover, after all?

3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. We'll have no obviously coded messages herein concerning the full moon.
We are the proud, albeit sometimes not always so sweet, “protectresses” of the lunar cycle. And, we all know that tides ebb and flow and are always changing, just like the TV channel. Case closed.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Funny you should try to pass this off as true, fellas. Our personal experience has been that shopping is indeed great sport, especially at around 10:45 p.m. on Christmas Eve, or roughly 5-10 minutes after your wife/significant other/partner/lifemate/girlfriend/friend calls and drops the hint that today is the anniversary of your wedding/meeting/first date/whatever, her birthday, her mother's birthday, etc. But, hey, who's keeping time?

5. Crying is blackmail.
Crying is a natural way to show your emotions so they are unmistakable even to the casual observer. Besides, we laughed so hard when we got this e-mail that we all cried collectively. What is your point.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
For clarity's sake, what exactly did you mean by this rule? Were you implying that we should ask you what you want, or we should ask you for what we want? The subtle phrasing escapes our repeated attempts to read between the lines and decipher the real reason this should be considered as a rule in the first place.

7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
And would that include the preferred methodology for questioning, for example, open ended questions such as "How do you feel when your husband/significant other/partner/life mate/friend attempts to usurp what is clearly your territory by banding together in packs to propagate hogwash such as these rules?"

8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Hmm, you don't want/need/ask for/seek sympathy... then what exactly was the point of your circulating this list of RULES in the first place?

9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
And would a headache that lasts (insert here the # of years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes you've been attached to your current wife/significant other/partners/life mate/friend) be a problem as well? Can you recommend a good doctor? Oh, we see, you don't go to the doctor, ever.

10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
Who said anything about arguing; aren't most encounters with your wife/significant other/partners/life mate/friend merely discussions? You have your point of view, she/he has a different, usually opposite, point of view.

11. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
And your point? This pitiful attempt at banding together in a pack to defend yourselves is just like a soap opera!

12. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
Sorry, we don't measure things the same way you do. To us three inches is definitely not as big as you think it is. Oh, and 5' 9” is definitely not 59”.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
After careful consideration, we agree with this statement, however, we do think it is more a suggestion for appropriate behavior rather than a rule.

14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
This is yet another statement to which we are willing corporately to agree provided it can be applied bilaterally. Perhaps your collective 'yin' was more engaged when this statement was formulated.

15. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
This is a unfair request on a number of fronts. 1) there are no commercials, you use TIVO; 2) there may be more to say than can be said during the span of 1-3 minutes; 3) you never want to talk anymore; 4) you used to always want to talk but now you just mumble; we discussed this at length and thought the only time you wanted to talk was immediately after (insert here the occasions after which the recipient husband/significant other/partners/life mate/friend actually DOES talk to you); 5) why is it when you have something important to say, you speak not to us but to our (insert here the pet name your husband/significant other/partners/life mate/friend uses to describe parts of your anatomy he will often speak to in a rather baby-talk style however obviously he prefers not to use proper medical terms to describe)?

16. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
Yes, and we all know how many false landings Chris had -- did he ever get where he was actually headed? Oh, and how many people did he kill along the way? Case closed.

17. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Now, come on fellas, 16 is only the MEDIUM setting in Windows; 64 is the Highest setting, ergo the one most men choose and that DOES indeed include such luscious colors as peach, mauve, teal, turquoise, lavendar, fuschia, cobalt; shall we go on? In fact, our response was formulated in a lovely shade of light magenta, which is in the fuschia family, a derivation or shade of red as it were.

18. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
This is another area in which our collective vote might be to allow you to continue in this line of thinking, however, provided only that you no longer ban your wife/significant other/partners/life mate/friend from spontaneous public displays of affection.

19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
We fail to see the logic of the above two statements. But, we are willing to reconsider provided you explain yourselves in a less obtuse manner.

21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
In that case, we think we should pull out that Victoria's Secret thong and bustier you bought...it shouldn't be more than a few sizes too small at this point.

22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
We're always open to discussing baseball -- farm teams ROCK (especially those younger ones); as for the shotgun formation -- are you referring to the alignment of players used commonly in American and Canadian football? Our only complaint is that it does not include the Tight End and that is our favorite position, especially in Fantasy Football. Golf. Hmmm. You have us there. We never much cared for swinging a long thin club at a tiny little hard ball and running around in the hot sun all day in a silly cart that reminds us of your riding tractor lawnmower. Exactly how many dresses/purses/shoes could we have purchased with that little chunk of change?

23. You have enough clothes.

24. You have too many shoes.
Again, we fail to see the logic of the above two statements. There is no such thing as enough clothes or too many shoes. Four days = 12 pairs of shoes; five days = 15 possible outfit combinations; plus those thongs and bustiers, of course. That is by our count at least two bags.

25. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
It should be obvious that we were referring here to a condition of well being that can only be gained through painful attention to ones diet, proper exercise, adequate sleep, etc., and not a form.

26. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Couch, our arse, here's your hat, what's your hurry. Don't let the door smack you on the way out! We realize that you will most likely ALL be here in the morning when we wake up, having never read even a line or two of our well-thought out and thoroughly pre-discussed and negotiated response. You obviously became too distracted looking for the remote! That's why we love you, after all. You're always still there in the morning.

A Holistic Approach to Sixty

As we age we face more and more challenges from the normal aging process. Keeping fit, whether it is in the form of your favorite athletic endeavor, or is simply a commitment to a daily brisk 30-minute walk, is a crucial aspect of maintaining good health and vitality. Since we're just a few months into those personal goals for the year, why not examine our resolutions and turn them into affirmations that we are open to changes that will benefit us in the long term. I try not to set fitness goals that I cannot possibly attain. Rather, I tell myself that I will seek ways to become more fit and take advantage of opportunities to explore new adventures I would not usually try. I've become a yoga 'fanatic' as a result of just such personal gentle prodding, and the search is on for more ways to incorporate exercise into my hectic schedule.

Equally as important in my plan is proper diet. Toxins from fast foods and prepared foods assail us. These poisons build up in our systems, affecting our liver, pancreas, intestines, heart, blood vessels and more. Being more mindful of what we eat and what motivates us to over-indulge is not only healthy but also can be critical to good health and well being as we turn that magic dial past 60. With careful attention to what our body is telling us (shortness of breath, insomnia, stress, indigestion) we can charge up our batteries and prove to ourselves that 60 really can be the new 40.

Not to be forgotten is our spiritual nature. Some of us may have gone on long journeys of self-discovery and introspection. Others may have let faith wane in the face of life's stress or disappointments. Every day is a new beginning and a time for us to begin a new journey forward. Be thankful that we have a loving God, no matter the religious wrapping in which we are presented with Him. Be mindful that we are given new chances every day to reflect the heart of God in our service to others.

Ah, then there is that emotional baggage. Some time around the age of 40, that old stuff gets quite burdensome. We can choose to continue to repack, restuff, and haul it around. Or, we can resolve to examine each piece, then throw it away to make room for the present moment, vowing to never visit the place of our refuse again. From time to time, circumstances will stir up the trash. A wise friend recently told me a little secret for dissipating such negative energy. He said, think the opposite thought when a negative idea begins to nag. Now, mind you, I am not saying this is an easy task. For to examine what is bothering you and to really define the opposite can take some mental gymnastics. Are you up for the challenge?

Stay well and healthy, cherish and live in the moment! As for me, I am off to dance.

Faith at Work

As a tiny child I remember going to church with mom, grandma, granddad, and on special occasions, dad. I was overwhelmed by the service, Roman Catholic, especially when Mass was spoken in Latin, a strange sounding yet strangely comforting monologue. It felt and sounded reverent. We knelt, we crossed ourselves, we sat, we stood with heads bowed, we wore a covering on our head, we dressed in our “Sunday” best, wore our best reserve shoes, and often socialized after Mass in the adjacent grammar school auditorium. All in our brood were taught to be quiet, reverent, respectful in church and in the presence of others in the church surrounds. There was a feel about church that somehow made it a special place.

I grew up in Catholic schools. Oh, those were the days of up staircases and down staircases, no patent leather shoes, sturdy oxfords and starched uniforms that scratched and left little welts around your neck. Grandma used to say that little discomforts of this nature were reminders to be respectful, to be on your best behavior, to be a 'good girl.' Don't misunderstand, I loved dressing up in my uniform and having my hair braided or swept back off my face. I wanted to look my best when I went to school. It was important. The nuns commanded respect and we displayed that respect, so they taught, by being well groomed and well behaved. We knew how to cue quietly and stream into the church adjacent to the school for early morning Mass and other services. Rules were rules and we understood our place. For the most part, we were good children, we knew how to behave and, perhaps because we feared the ruler or – worse yet – the yardstick, behave we did.

High school was the time for stretching the boundaries, for questioning the rules and finding our individuality. We had great times together, this small band of teens who had for the most part grown up together through grammar school and into high school. Several would go on to marry one another after graduation, some have children and grandchildren now attending those same schools. Others, myself included, would move far away and not return for many years. While in high school, I had the opportunity on more than one occasion to visit non-parochial schools and I remember being appalled at the seeming lack of respect for teachers and, more important, lack of self-respect and respect for peers. I can still recall how incredulous I was when a young man stood up and threw something across the room at another student during a history class I was visiting with cousins. I didn't like the feeling of insecurity that prevailed in those less than hallowed halls. I was glad my experience took place in a different setting. It never bothered me that we were viewed as being different by children and then young adults in our neighborhoods. We were a definite minority, with less than ½ of 1% in the state being Catholic.

Our home was in the midst of a Southern Baptist neighborhood and that had its challenges for us as Catholic children. We were often approached by well meaning adults who would insist that we attend Bible summer school or come to Bible Study on Sunday after our own church. My mom told us that our neighbors were just trying to save our souls because it was their belief that we were not part of the chosen few who would go to heaven. I do remember being made to feel somehow dirty and on occasion an outright sinner by some of our neighbors who, according to grandma, meant well. And this was as a young child. I remember these feelings when I talk about my faith with others. I always try to emulate what my grandma and my mother taught us, that we are called to live our faith by our example. They instilled in us at home the same respect and values our nuns had taught us.

Never mind the smooth sailing in high school. College was a whole new set of rules, most of which were just made to be broken or at least bent to an extreme. There were so many changes from any previous experiences that I for one was overwhelmed. I was lucky to have been assigned a roommate with whom I had attended high school so we could compare notes and decide what we thought was the right thing to do. We provided support to one another and that made our trek through 'the real world' of college a bit easier to navigate. I don't recall too many serious incursions.

Ah, then came the workplace. My first job was in the medical records department of a large local hospital. Anyone who knows hospital 'tradition' back 40ish years ago will recall that the medical records departments were typically in the basement, and just as typically the last stop before the morgue. We had three daily shifts in our medical records world. I often worked the 3PM to 11PM shift and would occasionally have to remain for a second shift if our night clerk did not show up for work. Therein was my first lesson in how people view personal responsibility differently, and how our culture, in this case the workplace, can accept such blatant disregard for others without repercussions. Because he was a student, the clerk was allowed to occasionally slip and I or another evening shift worker would have to cover for him through the remainder of the night until the 7AM shift arrived. It was actually 'creepy' wandering around in the darkened halls by the morgue in the middle of the night. Often nursing staff or doctors would literally startle us out of a sleep-deprived stupor to open up our huge electronic files and find a medical record that they needed stat. There were many nights when I didn't feel so forgiving towards my colleague, in fact I was sometimes furious. I did, however, try to keep my feelings to myself out of respect for the medical transcriptionists who also worked the three shifts along with me. We would share the burden of our colleagues negligence, picking up the slack his absence caused and sometimes we'd lapse into quick bursts of griping about this or that injustice or how it seemed he got away with so much while we didn't have that same privilege. Never once did we think to ask him where he'd been or why he'd been absent. And the boss never offered any excuses, only that we were to cover his shift. I know in looking back on those days that he was facing some difficult circumstances that were beyond his control and in fact, only a few years after I left that job I heard that his mom, who had been extremely ill for years, had died. He could have used our prayers rather than our disdain.

Years of working in many different disciplines with varying degrees of responsibility shaped my thinking on this young man. I often wondered just what made him behave as he did and why he was not called to task. I became more convinced that my intuition was correct and that he had somehow been burdened with taking care of his mom and he did it quietly, patiently, and without any obvious support or outside help.

As I began to take on supervisory responsibility I felt my grandma's nudging to lead by example. I would not think of asking someone to do something I myself was not willing to do. I tried to be fair to my team and respectful, while expecting respect in return. One young woman in a more recent job stands out in all my vast years of work experience. She was a rare and beautiful example of faith at work. I believe she was Mormon. She was quite young, in fact many years younger than my own children, when she came to work with us across the country from her home and family. She lived her faith in everything she did. She was always pleasant, cheerful, loving, caring and positive. And she stood firmly behind her belief. Never once did I hear her utter a profanity. In fact, she would gently encourage others not to speak obscenely in her presence. Asking that the offender instead substitute a less harsh or offensive word. One just knew how to behave around her, she commanded respect in a quiet, reverent way. You didn't feel that she was insincere and you didn't feel as though she was preaching. In the two years she worked with us, I never heard her slip and say an unkind thing about anyone. She and I used to talk of our faith often at lunch. She was unwavering, content, a beautiful young woman who was a credit to her beliefs. I wish my grandma and my mom had been here to meet her. They would have said, now there goes a young lady who lives her faith. When you strip away the trappings of tradition, dogma, doctrine, cultural differences, it is after all a matter of faith at work within. Thank you for blessing us, dear one!