On Aging and Dying

We had a good friend die last week. Yes, he was well into his 80's and by all accounts from him in the early stages of this thing called dying, he was ready. I, on the other hand, was not ready to let go of him. I will miss his quick-witted humor and his intelligent observations about the state of our country, the changes during his lifetime and life in general. We met in our local downtown park on a sunny afternoon our first week in town. We had found the park a nice place to rest after the long, hot days of unpacking and renovating our home and enjoyed feeding the large flock of ducks who loved to show off for townsfolk and visitors alike. He ambled over, declared his political persuasion as a strong advocate of our presidential choice and his desire that he win the Presidency, and thus I and my mate began a year's friendship and camaraderie with him and his lovely wife of over 30 years.

Many times we had our friends over for dinner followed by a rousing card or board game. He was highly competitive yet was happy to try new games even if he lost. I first noticed his weakening through our game playing as he lost that sharper edge he'd first had and tired more easily than before. A fall in early May brought him to the end stages of his life on earth and the beginning stages of his death and….well what else was there for him, Jewish by birth and belief? I went to see him during his first hospital stay and he’d lost mobility, some of his speech and his balance as a result of a small stroke. The spirit was still strong, however, and on he went to rehab and eventually home. Before we could get to his home to visit him he was back in the hospital again, this time with blood clots to the lungs and a slew of other complications. All in all, over a two week period he slowly shut down and decided to give up the fight and let go of life. My mate and I talked about how we’d react if we were of the same religious persuasion. How frustrating it must be to think that all there is in the end is a long wait until the Messiah comes and seals one’s fate by either resurrecting or damning one for all time? We talked about these fundamental differences in our beliefs and how even in the sure belief we have that we will immediately be in the presence of God, Our Father, we relate to that feeling of not being ready to give up, to give in and to go on to the next life.

I suppose that is what the human spirit is all about. We possess a strong will to live and to stay alive and, no matter our goal at the end of life, it takes awhile for us to give up the spirit. We know we will be free of any human frailty, pain, frustrations, limitations yet we still fight to stay here on earth. I sometimes think that we need to stay around to try to make amends with others whom we have hurt. Or, perhaps we just don’t feel we’ve done enough or seen enough or had enough time with our loved ones. Whatever the reason, there is a strong and compelling need to stay alive as it were to the last breath. If you have been with a dying person in the end, you perhaps have witnessed the spirit leaving the loved one’s body. The presence of other loved ones who come to greet this new soul into eternity can be felt by those more sensitive. And, when the dying sense that presence there is a peace that settles in and an eventual resignation.

When someone you know dies, you begin to think of your own immortality, more so I believe as you age. How blessed are we who grow old and see many years of health and happiness. We begin to realize how fleeting life can be when we lose someone young and vibrant, with many years of living ahead, someone cut off too soon, we ponder. But are they really? If we believe our God is a just God, then who is to say that this soul was not ready to move on to eternal life?

Seeing a friend die makes one mindful of forgotten friendships, forsaken relationships, unsaid apologies, unfinished goodbyes. I will finish those unfinished pieces of the puzzle of my life. I will cherish the moment in its finite existence for it is but a fleeting reality, it is really all we have. Yesterday is done and tomorrow as we know it may never come.